My Garage Is Falling Down

My garage is falling down. Literally. It is tilting like the leaning tower of Piza. It used to be just a charming list to one side but has now become comical. I not so secretly hope for a strong wind to knock it down so I can demo the thing and rebuild with the insurance money.

My ancient garage door strains to remain on track, and its days are numbered. It had been jammed for weeks and I was beginning to fear that it would snow and I would have to cut a hole in a wall to get the snow blower out. My dad, who was visiting for the Thanksgiving weekend, offered to take a look at it. My dad is a retired engineer who until recently could fix anything. I have inherited some of this gene, with my ability to use the wire from two place card holders and dental floss to dress the Thanksgiving turkey. But he's not as sharp as he used to be, and I knew this project could take all afternoon with about a 50% chance of success. Regardless, dad and devoted daughter trudged out to the garage with my independent woman's tool box and a flashlight. My Mom doubtfully said, "Tools? Gee you are optimistic that you will actually find something to fix!" I said, no mom, optimistic would be if it opened when I tried to demonstrate its failure to Dad.

Wouldn't you know that the damn thing opened on the first try? I think it took one look at my dad approaching and said "I will not fight this man." Bring on the snow!

Thankful, But....

5:30 am and up with a sick dog. I awake to my little beagle Sadie at my bedside. (I am currently sleeping on the futon in the playroom because my parents have commandeered my bedroom, which contains my most prized posession...my king sized "dino-bed"...I am thankful for my parents who drove six hours to be here this weekend and who paid for the bed so they are really its rightful owners).

Anyway, my dog is sick because she got in the kitchen garbage can which had the miniscule remnants of the Thanksgiving turkey carcass in it's bowels (making quite a mess of my kitchen floor which was actually relatively clean for a change) and made a meal of some turkey bones. This was particularly disappointing, as I had just been bragging about how my 4-year old Jacob and I had broken her of this bad habit by sporadically yelling at the garbage can over a period of weeks, "bad garbage can!!" (you can imagine my son's delight at this ritual).

I awake to a smell that can only mean Sadie has left me a present somewhere in the house and she has pressed her snout into my sleeping face to announce it. So I have cleaned up the vile mess, which she has creatively made in the foyer (I am thankful she thoughtfully used the tile rather than the carpet) and doused the area with enough Lysol to choke a horse...and have returned to the futon in hopes of a bit more sleep before inevitably being pounced on by my son all too soon...

Happy Thanksgiving!

After four trips to the grocery store, I think I am finally ready for Thanksgiving to descend on my household...you would think I was feeding an army with all the food in my house. But its just me, the little guy, mom, dad and my pseudo boyfriend whose story I will save for another day...

Let the feeding frenzy begin! Now wear did I put my elastic waistband pants?

Counterproductive??

Today I dragged my sorry butt to the local gym and signed up for a three month membership. Why three months? Only because it was their current special, not because I think I am going to work miracles in that short of a time. I may be on the verge, but I am not delusional (thank goodness for spell checkers).

So I show up for my appointment with Rob the trainer, who spent an half hour last week reviewing in detail the amazing but true features of this work-out health mecca which could be mine for the amazingly low cost of the equivalent of a set of braces, ready to sign on the dotted line. Surprisingly Rob is outside doing god knows what when I arrive. I soon find out what when Rob enters in a cloud of cigarette smoke smelling like my ex-grandmother in-law who smoked like a chimney fire.

Needless to say, I will not be taking health tips from Rob, but I am excited to have a new place to shake my booty!

A Blog on the Verge

Well for years everyone has been telling me to start writing down the hilarious and sometimes unbelievable stories of my everyday life as a single mom, small business owner, friend, sister, daughter and woman. So here I go, with Girl on the Verge!