Is the Absense of an Answer an Answer?

So I have been pseudo-dating my pseudo-boyfriend Robert for six months.

I say pseudo-boyfriend because he is the man in my life, but without the typical benefits of a boyfriend. No he is not gay. At least not that he knows of. No, I am not hideously deformed (although sometimes I feel like it considering the following...) We are both attractive, single, and heterosexual. We get along great, have common interests, make each-other laugh, can talk about everything and have been in contact with each-other ever day for six months. We met through an on-line dating website. Let me say that again, an on-line DATING website. Not an on-line "find a buddy site." DATING, as in I am looking for a love interest and am hoping that you might be that lucky guy who gets to swap spit with me at the end of the evening.

We see each-other weekly. Sometimes he sleeps over (in the guest room). We hug, kiss (but nothing to write home about) have great chemistry, flirt, cook each other dinner, have met each-other's kids, he rakes my leaves, encourages me, relies on me... in short, we are great friends. And it is making me nuts.

I am an affectionate person. What feels natural to me at this point is to hold hands with this guy. To snuggle on the couch, to sleep next to each-other, not in separate rooms, to kiss for goodness sake. Sex would be nice, but I don't even know if he's a good kisser so let's take one thing at a time. And we've talked about it, why are we "just friends" and why if we are just friends does it seem like we are a couple?

So after weeks, no, months of feeling conflicted and confused, I finally brought up the topic Sunday night. He was over for dinner and a movie. My son was with his dad. We had a great time. Then it was time for bed, and he pulled out the futon. Aaah!

A long conversation followed which started with how glad I am that he feels comfortable in my life and how important he is to me blah blah, and ended with me saying I really need more that this in a relationship. And our current arrangement is not a "sustainable model" (thank you to my friend Kristin for that quote which I will use frequently). Sooner or later one or the other is going to want more (at this point me) or need to go outside the relationship to get it. And if he was going outside the relationship, that would hurt me (he has maintained that he has not been dating at all since we met).

He handled me well, no small feat I must say. But I caught him off guard and he didn't respond with too much of his own feelings (shocking) and asked if we could talk more after he digested everything. Sure.

In the meantime, we have been business as usual, emails/texts/calls...oh and he joined my gym yesterday. He did send one email that said. "Thanks for bringing up that stuff last night. I've had a lot on my mind lately but don’t want to ignore your needs. Please be patient with me on this, k? We'll work it out, I know"

Stay tuned readers...this one is gonna get interesting.